My heart is hurting. I lay awake at night replaying things over and over in my head, wondering why things have turned out this way. I try to block all the good memories because I can't relive them all right now. I worry that he will think I am doing fine, when really I am hurting. My heart aches. I get nervous every time I walk past his office at work. I want to run into him, just to be able to say hi, in hopes that we can have a minute to chat, but it never turns out that way. I wish that we could be friends. I wish that we could hang out again. I wish we could be around all of our same friends without things being weird.
But the hardest part of this whole thing is that I know that us being apart is the best. I know that as much as neither one of us wants it to be the answer, I know that not dating each other is the best thing for us both. And, honestly, it's terrible. It is the worst feeling I have ever had. I hate that I have lost a friendship that means so much to me, and I hate that now I can't see him or even talk to him. I hate that things seem awkward and I hate that I am hurting. I hate that he's hurting, too. I wish I could change it all, make it all easier.
This is the truth, the raw truth. My heart is hurting and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to deal with it. I just pray that God will help me through each and every day, and that He would help me through the confusion and hurting. I pray that He will lead me to a friendship with him. I pray that He will heal my broken, hurting heart.
I know this is all part of the journey God has planned for me, and I know that, in time, He will show me why this has been part of my life. While it is difficult, I know that God is the Father who takes care of everything, even His hurting children. He takes care of me. He cares about healing my broken heart.
3 comments:
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."-Psalm 34:18
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."- Psalm 147:3
L-Dub, it is never easy to admit that you are hurting. I'm so proud of you! Part of being made in God's image is that we have the capacity to feel and hurt deeply, just as He does. I believe that is one of the reasons why He draws so near to us when we are hurting, because He too knows what it like to feel pain and be hurt. Thankfully, our God is a God of comfort and healing, who uses painful experiences to make us more like Him. Continue to be real, open, and honest with Him about what you're going through and the pain you are feeling. It's okay to not be okay! There is no emotion that our God cannot handle. I love you, friend!
Wow. That is poured out in truth. It also shows that you are handling it well because if you weren't you wouldn't be going through this. The harder you lean on God the quicker the hurt heals and the pain will slowly subside. Stay strong in the faith. My family and I will pray for you.
Thanks, LP and Mr. Godfrey! It really means a lot to me to have that encouragement. It has been a difficult journey for sure, but I can really see God working through it all, and that's the best part!
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