A New Adventure: Where He Leads, I Will Follow

Let me tell you a little story...

Once upon a time, I was born. From the day I was born, I wanted to be a teacher. I went to college and got a Bachelor's degree in Liberal Studies and minor in Education so I could become a teacher. While I was in college, I had some great experiences working in Residence Life. After a series of unfortunate events of not passing all of my CSETs (teaching tests) I couldn't student teach. But, I got an amazing job working in Residence Life again at Simpson, but this time I got to help oversee the program. I fell in love with the job. Now I'm signing up for grad school in Pennsylvania to get a Master's degree in Higher Education and work in Residence Life. The End.

Okay, now let me tell you a long story...

Once upon a time, I was born (wasn't I a cutie).

When I was born, I wanted to be a teacher, and I have wanted to be a teacher my whole life.....okay except for that one year when I was in Kindergarten and I wanted to be a farmer's wife (side note- what kid wants to be a farmer's wife when she grows up?! I mean I didn't even like vegetables then, so what was the point!?)

Anyway, back to the story. I have always wanted to be a teacher. I played school all the time with my sister growing up. I even dressed up like a teacher (okay, what I thought a teacher looked like....to all my teacher friends, please do not be offended by this photo).

I chose to go to Simpson because I knew that they had a great teaching program. I spent countless hours in classrooms and writing lesson plans and completing my Bachelor's degree in Liberal Studies, my minor in Education, and finished all of my credentialing classes. Do I regret it? Not a bit! Would I change my degree? Never!

On April 26th, 2014, I walked across the stage at Simpson University and was given my diploma. At that moment in time, I still had every intention of becoming a teacher.

Four and a half years ago, I chose to go to Simpson for the teaching program. God chose for me to go to Simpson for the teaching program AND so I could become involved in Residence Life. As a sophomore, I became a prayer leader for my floor. As a junior, I became an RA (Resident Assistant) and I loved it! My senior year of college, I could have graduated after just the fall semester, but I decided to stick around for the spring semester as well (and complete my minor) so that I could step up and take the position of SRD (Student Resident Director). Little did I know that this could change the course of my life.

After I graduated, I knew that I didn't want to be done with Res Life, but what choice did I have? I had graduated and there was no longer a position for me at Simpson (or so I thought), and I had student teaching all lined up and everything planned out step by step for the next few years.

What I realize now is that those were my plans, not God's plans.

Once I didn't pass my CSET this summer, I felt a strange sense of relief (to read that story, click here)...which was something I never imagined I would feel. But you know what? That's because God was changing my heart. Almost out of no where, God provided an incredible opportunity for me to work as the Residence Life Assistant at Simpson this fall semester. After December, my time working in Residence Life was supposed to be "up." But, again, God knew where He wanted me; He provided for me to stay in my current position for the upcoming spring semester as well.

No only has He provided for me in that way, but he has also provided me with an amazing opportunity to get a Master's of Arts in Higher Education at Geneva College in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania. There is also a Grad Program Assistantship available for an RD (Resident Director) position that will be available in the fall (this coming August). This position is a combination of my position last year as a SRD and my position currently as the Residence Life Assistant. An RD oversees an entire residence hall, and lives on campus in an apartment. They oversee the RAs for that hall as well and also do a lot of professional development. If I got the RD position, I would get my degree paid for, and since I would be living on campus, I would get my room and board paid for as well. How in the world could I pass up an opportunity like this?!

At first, this just sounded like a cool opportunity, but I was pretty hesitant to even consider it because it's in Pennsylvania! I am so close with my family that it would be really difficult. But the more and more I looked into it, the more and more it grew on me. I knew that if my parent's weren't on board with the whole thing, that I couldn't do it. One evening, after I had realized that I was seriously considering this option, I casually mentioned it to my mom when I was talking to her on the phone. I didn't want the idea to come out of NO WHERE when I was planning a trip home to convince them that this opportunity was a good one. Then, I submitted my application the the Master's program before I talked to my parents, and ask anyone who knows me, that is completely out of character for me! A week later, I went home for a visit and I was fully prepared to explain the situation and the opportunity and to convince my parents that I should do this. Much to my surprise, I walked in the door, hugged my parents and the first words out of my dad's mouth were "So, tell me about this thing in Pennsylvania!" I felt like my jaw was going to disconnect from the rest of my face! I seriously couldn't believe it!

Both of my parents were very supportive of the opportunity and are excited to see where it leads! I knew that if this was something my parents supported, that I could proceed.

So, in October, I completed my application to Geneva College to get into the Master's program....and I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED!

In early February, I will apply for the RD position and find out by the end of February whether I get the assistantship.

I can't believe where these past months have brought me and the doors that have opened and the things that God has done in my heart! It is incredible to see His work in me!

To answer a few questions ::

Why Geneva? Well, there are a lot of reasons, and here are a few. First of all, I work with an amazing man who used to work for Geneva. He suggested the program to me since Simpson doesn't offer a degree in Higher Education and doesn't have an RD program either. He also said it would be good to get some outside experience. I believe that this door has opened for me and I am seriously looking at the opportunity and praying through each and every step to see if this is where God wants me. I think it would be an amazing experience to be able to move to the other side of the country, not knowing a single person, and to get an education in a degree that I never thought I would get. I truly do believe that God would use me in that situation, and I know He would change me, too!

Am I scared? OF COURSE! I have never been so scared for something in my entire life. But I also don't think I have wanted something this badly in my entire life, either. If I end up doing this, I can guarantee that it will be the most difficult thing I have ever done. But I am ready to leap out in faith and trust that God will provide me with friends, a church home, and everything I could ever need while I am there.

How will you drive in the snow? I will learn. Of the people that I've told, about 75% of them have asked me how I will drive in the snow....just like learning to drive in the rain, I will learn.

To clarify a few things ::

Clarification #1 :: Just because I do Res Life now and pursue a degree in Higher Education, does NOT mean that I will never become a teacher. A wise friend of mine said to me "Lauren, it's great that you are pursing this opportunity. Go do these things and see what God has in store for you. And remember that no one can take away your degree; you will always have that. If you want to teach in 5 years, teach in 5 years. If you want to teach in 20 years, you can teach in 20 years." In that moment, I realized the truth in that statement and that was a huge turning point in my decision making process.

Clarification #2 :: I am struggling to write this clarification, actually...first because I am afraid of the judgmental looks of disapproval that I may receive for this seemingly sudden change of plans, but also because there is 50% of me that feels the need to justify my decision, but there is 50% of my that realizes that I don't have to justify my decision to anyone! God is the only one I have to make decisions with and He has definitely led me to this opportunity and this new season I didn't expect. But, I will proceed in writing this second clarification anyway :: There may be some of you out there who have known me for a long time, and maybe some who have only known me for a short time but are concerned about this decision in my life because you think I would make a great teacher. And you know what, I do believe that I would make a great teacher. But, I feel very strongly that this is the direction God is leading me. This is not something I could have dreamed up for my life, something I imagined I would have been doing, or something I could have planned. I have prayerfully considered this opportunity every step of the way and God has only continue to open the doors to Geneva. I just want you to know that I am not going into this unprepared or unsure. I am seeking God through every step of the way and I truly believe that this is where He is leading me. And, in a way, I would be a teacher, just not a teacher in an elementary school classroom; I would be a teacher on a college campus in the residence halls.

Clarification #3 :: I think that every skill I learned (except maybe how to teach children to line up) in the education program at Simpson will benefit me in the long run. I have learned how to manage a classroom, and how to speak in front of others, and have learned to plan accordingly, among many other useful tasks. I think each and every thing I learned and practiced at Simpson will benefit me as I purse a degree in Higher Education and as I seek to work in Residence Life for the next few years.

So that is the newest update on my life! There are big changes ahead for me as I seek this path that the Lord is leading me! Thank you, in advance for your love, support, prayers and encouragement! I truly appreciate it!

Thanksgiving - A Time of Change and a Time of Thankfulness

This year was the first year in my entire 22 year life that my family was not all together for Thanksgiving....and it was TOUGH! My brother moved to Alaska in July, and he was working this year, so he couldn't come home for Thanksgiving. That in and of itself was hard.

As I am beginning my post-grad experience, I am realizing it's not all "full-time jobs with benefits and paid vacations." Instead I am in a season of working multiple part time jobs to make ends meet. Am I complaining about this? NOPE! I know it is just a season and I know that God is using it to grow me and stretch me! So, needless to say, I did not get a paid vacation on Thanksgiving. Instead, I worked as a hostess at Black Bear Diner from 3pm to 9pm....the prime time for consuming turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy! I was bummed that I had to work, but I was more upset that I wouldn't get to go home to be with my family!

Instead, my family blessed me by coming to stay with me and celebrating with Thanksgiving lunch instead of Thanksgiving dinner. I was so thankful for them to join me! Mom got up and started the turkey at 7:00 a.m. and we woke up to delicious turkey smells. We folded up the couch bed and added the card table to my dining room table so we could fit everyone. Two of my close friends joined us for lunch as well (they are also recent post-grads without paid vacations....it worked out perfectly).

When I realized that I wasn't able to go home for Thanksgiving, I really just wanted to be grumpy and upset about it. But, instead I began to count my blessings.

I am thankful for:

• Family that loves me and wants to spend Thanksgiving with me, so they drive up and stay with me for a few days! 
• Friends who spend the holiday with me and my family (even though we are CRAZY)
• Jobs that I ENJOY and that are not only getting me great work experience, but that are paying the bills plus some!
• The ability to provide for myself.
• Good health
• The fact that I have had the ability to go to school and complete a college degree
• The new apartment I moved into and love. 
• The fact that I can now use the hot tub every day! 
• A wonderful roommate (who loves hot tubbing more than me and will go with me every day if I ask her)
• My roommates parents, who are my adopted parents!

The list could go on and on, but these are a few of the things that I am thankful that God has provided for me and that He has blessed me with! I seriously couldn't ask for a better life! 

Lord, I'm Ready Now

The Lord has been moving my heart lately to become involved in a church. The last four years of my life I have dedicated it completely to school and to being involved and invested there. 

In the last week, I have just felt led to become involved in ways that are completely outside my comfort zone. I stepped out in faith and joined a class called Financial Peace University where I am learning to budget my money and pay off my student loans in a way that is completely honoring to God. I also joined a house church for the first time this week where I get to live out community with the people around me. 

It's not the nature of the things themselves that are out of my comfort zone, it's the fact that I chose to do these things on my own, going without people I know. I felt the Lord leading me to do these things and to just step out in faith, trusting that He knows what He is doing and where He is leading me. 

I am learning more and more during this season what it means to have faith in the Lord, to have faith that He will provide, that He will comfort me, that He knows what's best for me. While this is difficult (because I am a control freak and I want to always be in charge of what I am doing with my life), I have had such peace about everything that has happened to me in the last four months. God has provided me with strength to endure every hardship, every triumph, every single, individual moment of my life. 

And you know what I am realizing, He ALWAYS provides those things for us. 

Tonight as I was driving home, I heard a new song by Plumb come on called Lord, I'm Ready Now (click here to listen). I just felt so incredibly moved by this song. I realized that because I've learned to trust Him and to put my faith in His plan for me, that now I'm ready to move forward with whatever He has for me! I thought this song was such a great way to express my desire to follow Him and my way of proclaiming that I'm ready now! 

Peaceful Assurance

So I haven't blogged for a while. And like always, life has been crazy. So, here's an update.

As you know, I recently graduated from college. With graduation, I had a plan all figured out for myself. I was going to graduate from college, take my CSETs (a 3-part teaching test) this summer (and pass them with flying colors, of course!), work to save up some money, and the student teach starting in the fall. And, if you know where this post is going, you know that my life did not happen according to my grand plan.

I got a job working in an office at Simpson, the university I just graduated from. I had already worked for three an a half years in this office in previous years, and the job truly was an answer to prayers! I absolutely adore the people in the office and I love working for them! So, that part of the plan went accordingly - I got a summer job and saved up some money.

The CSETs are what didn't go exactly according to my plan. I took each of the three sections, and passed the two difficult sections. It was the easy section that I didn't pass. So, I studied and retook the easy section a second time......and didn't pass. Only the second time I didn't pass was the time that counted the most. I failed the last section of the CSET only 7 days before I was supposed to start student teaching. And in order to student teach, I had to pass the test.

As you can see, this put me in a very tough position. My job was ending because my summer contract was up. I didn't pass the last section of the CSET, so now I couldn't student teach. And I was getting ready to start a semester and had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. If you know me, you know that I am a planner - I am always thinking of the future and what the next ten steps are to get exactly where I want to be. As you can imagine, this was a huge test of my faith.

Oddly enough, I felt very peaceful about not passing the test. In a way, I felt almost relieved. I am definitely disappointed that I am not able to student teach right now (especially since my best friend is student teaching and we were planning on doing it at the same time). But I know that I needed this semester to just learn to trust God on a whole new level.

Since I didn't pass my test, I decided I would start applying for some jobs. I applied for some part time jobs and some full time jobs at Simpson. In a single afternoon, I was told that I didn't get three of the four jobs I had applied to! Now that was tough! Each employer kept telling me that I had great potential but that other people had applied for the positions who had a lot of experience. Each time, they kept telling me to not be discouraged. I can honestly say that I tried my hardest to not be discouraged. But deep down, I really was.

I had been talking to a great friend of mine about the job situation. She works in Residence Life at the university and is getting ready to have a baby, so she is going to be out this semester on maternity leave. I told her how I had applied for these jobs and how I didn't get them. She consoled me, and then called me into her office. I went to talk to her and she offered me a job! Not only did she offer me a job, but a job doing something I love! Since she is out on maternity leave, she needed someone to fill in while she was out. Since I had worked in the Residence Life program as a student, I know the program really well, and she said I would be a perfect fit for the job! I was speechless in the moment. I remember the words coming out of my mouth "Well, can I think about it for a bit and get back to you?" while the thoughts raced through my brain Oh my gosh! I would LOVE that job! Why am I saying I need to think about it? What am I doing? I need to just take this job! So, I went home and thought about it for about 30 seconds and promptly texted her that this job was truly an answer to prayers and I would LOVE to take it!

Friday marked my first week on the job, and I LOVED it! It has been so amazing to work with such great people, connecting with on campus residents (who I've lived with in community for the past few years) and just building relationships!

The job is until December, which works out perfectly; I can retake my CSET this semester, and student teach in the spring.

All along, God gave me peace throughout the situation. He had a plan far greater than mine, and He knew the desires of my heart. He knew that I wasn't ready to be done working for Residence Life and that I wasn't ready to student teach right away. I had all the steps lined up "perfectly" according to my plan. But that was just it....it was my plan, not His. He gave me peace when I didn't pass my test. He gave me peace during the job hunt. He gave me peace when I was offered this position. He gave me a peaceful assurance every step of the way! I am so incredibly blessed and thankful for my Father who knows me better than I know myself, and who leads me down the path He has chosen for me!

A Father's Love

My Daddy and I have always had a special connection, even from the moment I was born. Countless times, Mom has told me the story that when Dad was holding me at the hospital the morning I was born, he looked at me and said "Lauren, I love you so much. If you ever need anything, I will be here for you. If you need money, I'll even sell the house for you and give you all the money."

Now let me tell you, I love that story for many reasons! First of all, and most importantly, I LOVE that my Daddy loves me and protects me and provides for me. I LOVE that he cared about me from before the time I was born. I LOVE that he still loves me and cares for me.

But I also LOVE that story because he told me he would sell the house for me and give me all the money...and I frequently remind him of that statement he made 22 years ago, however he has never given me the money from the house...how rude.

He has spent so many hours playing with me, reading to me, listening to me, and keeping me company.

He has showed me what it means to live a Christ-like life and has set such a great example for me. He lives a life honoring to God and leads Mom and our family in such a amazing way.

Now that I am older, we have become friends (very rarely does he have to pull out his "parent card" with me). We have long conversations about everything from school to friends to church to relationships. He always listens, but isn't afraid to give his honest advice. I am thankful for the time we have been able to spend together and the time we have been able to spend growing in faith together. 

Without my Daddy, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Over the years he has pushed me to continually keep growing. He fed me bottles and changed my diapers. He encouraged me to run for Student Council Vice President (I won, in case you were wondering...even though it was only for 5th grade), and then kept the "Vote for Lauren" poster for the past 11 years. He has taken thousands of pictures of me for school dances, graduations, and senior portraits. He has supported me through graduations from eighth grade, high school and college. He has listened to me talk about my broken hearts and wiped my tears. He has taken me on countless fishing and camping trips (which also consisted of removing countless flies and hooks from the bushes behind me...whoops). He has always been there for me, and I know he always will be. 

To my Daddy, I love you so much and I am so thankful that God blessed me with you. I am thankful for everything you have done and will continue to do for me. Thank you for your love, support and encouragement. I love you with all my heart! 

It is my wish that everyone could have a daddy as amazing as mine, but I know that's not the case. But everyone can have a Heavenly Father who will love you even more, who will support and encourage you through every up and down, through every happy moment, through every celebration. I pray that you will take a moment to thank your Daddy this Father's Day, and if you can't I pray that you would be able to find True Love with your Heavenly Daddy. 

Happy Father's Day, everyone. 

New Beginnings

The time has finally come! I moved into my new condo! Not only did I get to move into a new place (a definite upgrade from living in tiny, cramped dorm rooms for the last four years), but I got to move in with my best friend!

Keys to our new apartment

We are so excited to finally be able to have our own place together and to decorate and make it our own!

Moving in

 Using our muscles to hang up some pictures

The kitchen, complete with dinner, cookies and my new KitchenAid mixer that I got for graduation.

The dining room (previously we were sitting at the dining room chairs around the tabletop that was on the floor without the legs attached...this works much better). 

The living room

The living room again

Anyway, this is a new season of my life, officially being moved out of the home I grew up in. I mean, I have technically been moved out for the last four years since I have been attending school and working during the summers, but I have always gone home for breaks and holidays. Now this is my new home. My very own place.

My life is changing pretty drastically. And moving into my own condo is not the only big life change happening right now. I have finished school and am entering what all us college kids like to call "the real world." The real world consists of bills and jobs and making a lot more of my own decisions. It also continues to consist of school (but when will it ever not consist of school since I want to be a teacher).

My heart is a little torn since I am close with my family and it seems like such a big deal to be living on my own now. But at the same time, I am filled with overwhelming excitement!

I get to cook my own food!

I can buy Oreos and they will not be consumed before even taking them out of the grocery bag! 

I can put things wherever I want in the house!

I get my own room! 

I have a kitchen sink where I can wash dishes! 

Even better, I have a dishwasher! 

I don't have to put quarters in a slot to wash and dry my laundry! 

I have an entire closet to myself! 

I have a covered parking spot! 

I have a ceiling fan (let me tell you, I love ceiling fans)! 

I have a TV in my living room! 

While those may seem insignificant to most of you, they are very exciting to me! These are all new experiences. And it makes it even more exciting since it is my first place on my own.

I have been seeing new beginnings all around me, too.

My parents recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary

  

My baby sister graduated from 8th grade

   

My brother graduated from high school (and of course, he won't take a normal picture...and yes, we do, in fact, love each other, although the pictures above don't seem to show it).

  

 

This pretty lady got married

God is constantly reminding me that I am entering a new season in my life. He is showing me that life is changing - I've moved into the condo, my siblings are growing up and changing schools and choosing careers; my parents just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary; so many of my friends are getting married; close friends are having babies; I'm getting ready to student teach and finally be doing what I have always wanted to do. God is leading me out of the difficult, emotional, complicated season of my college life and is bringing me into a new season of growth in ways I can't even imagine! I am so looking forward to seeing what God does in my life in this new season! I'm so thankful that I can rely on Him and trust Him to lead me!

So, here's to new adventures!

Healing My Broken Heart

Many people have questioned how I am doing after my breakup. I keep hearing from so many people: "You're so mature." "You're handling everything so well." "I can't believe how well you're doing." Want to know the truth?

My heart is hurting. I lay awake at night replaying things over and over in my head, wondering why things have turned out this way. I try to block all the good memories because I can't relive them all right now. I worry that he will think I am doing fine, when really I am hurting. My heart aches. I get nervous every time I walk past his office at work. I want to run into him, just to be able to say hi, in hopes that we can have a minute to chat, but it never turns out that way. I wish that we could be friends. I wish that we could hang out again. I wish we could be around all of our same friends without things being weird.

But the hardest part of this whole thing is that I know that us being apart is the best. I know that as much as neither one of us wants it to be the answer, I know that not dating each other is the best thing for us both. And, honestly, it's terrible. It is the worst feeling I have ever had. I hate that I have lost a friendship that means so much to me, and I hate that now I can't see him or even talk to him. I hate that things seem awkward and I hate that I am hurting. I hate that he's hurting, too. I wish I could change it all, make it all easier.

This is the truth, the raw truth. My heart is hurting and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to deal with it. I just pray that God will help me through each and every day, and that He would help me through the confusion and hurting. I pray that He will lead me to a friendship with him. I pray that He will heal my broken, hurting heart.

I know this is all part of the journey God has planned for me, and I know that, in time, He will show me why this has been part of my life. While it is difficult, I know that God is the Father who takes care of everything, even His hurting children. He takes care of me. He cares about healing my broken heart.

The Answer Won't Be Written in the Sky

A very wise woman once told me "Lauren, the answer to the difficult decisions won't be written in the sky all the time. If they were, we would never have to have faith in Christ." My dear friend, LP, you are correct. We wouldn't ever have to walk by faith if the answer was always written in the sky for us.

While I do believe that God can write the answers in the sky, or just give us a very clear answer to a decision, big or small, I don't think that He will always do that. Sometimes we really need to step out in faith. The same wise woman also said that sometimes God just calls us to make a decision. I think God used LP to show me that it's okay to make scary decisions, and it's okay to trust God, even if the answer isn't written across the sky for you.

In Oceans Deep: Growing in Faith

Well hello there!

So, I have tried to blog before, but I have never really kept up on it. This time, I hope it is different! 

The reason for this blog is to simply show the world what God has been/is teaching me. I am a recent (and I mean really recent) college graduate - I just graduated a little over two weeks ago. I have my Bachelor's degree in Liberal Studies and am working this summer and planning on student teaching in the fall.

A little insight into the last few months of my life (and therefore the title of this blog). In February, I was in church and I just felt an uneasiness. I couldn't explain it. After church, I decided to drive around, which turned into a two hour drive in the rain, crying out to God for something more, to feel Him move in a way I had never felt before. Over and over I just kept singing the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United. I prayed in a way I had never prayed before for God to call me out upon the waters and to give me faith like I'd never had before. That night after church, God prepared my heart for the upcoming months. 

A few short weeks later, in one week, my boyfriend broke up with me, I quit my job (that I loved), and my parked car was hit by a man who was driving under the influence of drugs, and completely demolished it. In a matter of 5 days, God removed my relationship, my job and my car from my life. I felt empty. Every step of the way, I couldn't understand why God would allow something else to happen; every time, I thought to myself I can't handle ONE more thing. And every time, God would say Yes you can. Have faith. 

I decided to take these crazy situations that had happened to me and to seek God through it all. He taught me the following: Receive my identity in Him (and that others should do the same). Love others unconditionally, even when it is difficult. Things aren't always what they seem; I am human and God has a much better plan than I could ever conceive. Take a step in faith and TRUST Him (even if that means quitting your job two weeks after you started it, and right before you are about to sign the papers for your apartment....and now you're jobless......yep, I did that). Be okay with the answer "I don't know what I am going to do after graduation." Walk into oceans deep. Grow in faith.